Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
