why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
