this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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