After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
