Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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