She's JV to your varsity
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
