And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
