So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
