You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
