guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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