Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
