She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
