So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
