I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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