she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Even my vagina gasped.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
