i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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