Sry I called you an 8
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
