Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
