i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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