Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
