I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she smelled like a LAN party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
