; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
