I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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