there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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