I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
