Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
