Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
