eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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