"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
