Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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