Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
