I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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