You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
