my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
