Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
