i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
