any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
