Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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