Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
