thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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