Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
