shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
