the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
