got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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