Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
