she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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