He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
