I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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