Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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