Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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