I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
