Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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