White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
