i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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