Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
