this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
